tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post1630552064583729431..comments2023-04-06T08:17:45.988-04:00Comments on Ruth's Road: The SecretJennifer Gailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05342759520707451826noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-60861432147005841082013-11-13T11:55:29.606-05:002013-11-13T11:55:29.606-05:00....I can only thank my support system. I am trul.......I can only thank my support system. I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends, a brother/best friend, an amazing Dad and stepmother. These people, and all of the previous hardships that I've gone through have carried me through this. I am so thankful for all of those hard years growing up, the horrible experiences from the past, because that made it that much easier for me to cope and keeping walking forward.<br />MattAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14004685908590478054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-46907707265737489232013-11-13T11:51:43.411-05:002013-11-13T11:51:43.411-05:00Thank you Jennifer. I have come a very long way, ...Thank you Jennifer. I have come a very long way, made huge improvements to my personal life, since I met you at NWMC, but even more since joining the military. But my biggest helper in molding me into the man I am today is surprisingly my wife.<br /><br />Yes I was completely miserable for a solid 8 yrs. I stuck in there like most do, for the kids. I also had a faint hope that she would turn things around. After all she was a best friend to me while we were friends and dating. Then after we got married and had our daughter, she started slipping. When my son joined us, I saw a big change in her, negatively. Years upon years of drug abuse, infidelity, lies, extreme debt, sleepless nights, emptiness, a delicate sore heart longing for a deep passion that no longer existed. I thought I was doomed for eternity. I almost felt that I deserved this treatment. This was normal to me. Even growing up this was normal mental abuse. I didn't know any better. And after I finally stepped up to the plate and demanded freedom from this heavy bondage, it still took 13 months of a one-sided divorce for the inevitable to show itself.<br /><br />That night was the absolute hardest moment of my life. I couldn't stand, couldn't stop crying, I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could she do such a selfish act, not only for herself, family, friends.......but our beautiful children....the heavy emptiness that I have for my kids, is unexplainable. I know you can fathom these emotions. And when it would pass my thoughts, I always believed the very thing that she turned to, would eventually do her in. I knew how much baggage she carried deep down inside. I tried to help, but you can't help the unwilling. I couldn't stand by her side anymore. I seriously lost myself. I was not myself anymore. People would tease me all the time for being angry, short fused, bad temper, etc. But I knew that that was not me. That wasn't who I was, I was far better then that. I was screaming inside for warmth, love, compassion, a wife that I always envisioned in my thoughts. But I didn't have that, instead I felt that I had three kids. Two that were well behaved and one rebel. It felt like a roommate that refused to move out, that ate all of the food, didn't pull their weight around the house. It was pathetic. But I stuck it out because I thought that that was what I was supposed to do. I was raised in a Christian home that also hid a lot of secrets. But I was hoping for a day where I could stand up, and say enough is enough.<br /><br />Reason why I never left her, was because she always said that I would lose the kids. She would control that, and I had no chance to have sole custody. I was literally brain washed. Most say that I was crazy, how could she possibly keep them from me. But when you hear the same things over and over and over, you believe them. <br /><br />After these long tangents, what I really wanted to put out there was this. My biggest obstacle right now, is thinking about the loss my kids have to live with. Yes, don't get me wrong, I miss her. I truly do miss her, and would much rather deal with her stubborn mouthy self. That was her though. But what I miss about her, was the person that I met 12 yrs prior to her death. I fell in love with Rachael Jean Brown, not Rachael Jean Trimborn. Everyday I struggle with keeping my mind from wandering, from entering that desolate planet of thoughts. I try to wear a smile everyday. And I have been smiling more and more. I started finding myself again after I filed for divorce. I actually enjoyed going to work, and more so, leaving work and coming home. I was on the uphill to recovery, then I got hit with her suicide....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14004685908590478054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-88624054580839539582012-01-04T22:02:30.500-05:002012-01-04T22:02:30.500-05:00Jen, Everytime I read your blog I feel that you li...Jen, Everytime I read your blog I feel that you lighten something in my heart. I am hoping to have the opportunity to meet you at the Princess Half. The strength we find in others can only be by the grace of god! Robinrlscrnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08977490672504100318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-51266987425004422992012-01-04T16:55:54.361-05:002012-01-04T16:55:54.361-05:00Kathy, I'm so glad you are finding healing her...Kathy, I'm so glad you are finding healing here. That is why I share my most intimate thoughts, my personal diary, on the internet! Please send her here, and if she wants to reach out to a safe stranger who understands, she can email me jennifergail2899@gmail.com. -JennJennifer Gailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05342759520707451826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-35273696553059927512012-01-04T15:45:58.110-05:002012-01-04T15:45:58.110-05:00A wonderful post and what courage you have display...A wonderful post and what courage you have displayed sharing this. I have a friend who is in a marriage and she is doing the EXACT thing you talked about "protecting him". I'm going to refer her to your blog post.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your journey. I lost my husband in April 2011 and your posts are very healing or me. Thank you!Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00786346945686811675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-28174272773403035752012-01-04T15:23:13.714-05:002012-01-04T15:23:13.714-05:00Deanna, Thank you so much for sharing this journey...Deanna, Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. I always hope to reflect that honor despite the hurt and pain I have felt. Thank you for affirming me that I have!<br /><br />Elizabeth, Thank you. That is why I am sharing, to help women who are walking through what I have.<br /><br />Pastor Sandy, I'm so excited you have been reading my blog. :) I'm sure you can see the healing I've been walking out. I know you understand how you can love a person and see past their addictions. Its hard to do, and those who haven't lived it don't know how. I will continue to pray for your family!Jennifer Gailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05342759520707451826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-90469944648917630232012-01-04T14:45:33.592-05:002012-01-04T14:45:33.592-05:00Jen....you know Pastor Dennis and I will always lo...Jen....you know Pastor Dennis and I will always love you and Jonathan. I have been in your shoes..as you know Kristopher has addictions also. So sad that you or I want to help but you really just can't. We have tried to help Kristopher on so many occasions. I love him and pray for him but that is all I can do when they don't want to get the help they need. By sharing with your close friends you are also keeping Satan from trying to remind you of that dirty little secret. When we expose the truth the devil has to flee. I pray you find such peace and joy in 2012. You are amazing...stay strong. Love SandyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-1636678406398151882012-01-04T13:42:02.939-05:002012-01-04T13:42:02.939-05:00This is one my favorite posts of yours! So well sa...This is one my favorite posts of yours! So well said, my friend. So touching, so inspiring... it will set many free and empower them to remove the mask!Elizabethhttp://www.elizabethteresebrandt.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-889906454956854502.post-91170040913034458502012-01-04T11:37:18.330-05:002012-01-04T11:37:18.330-05:00I don't comment on your blog a lot because I d...I don't comment on your blog a lot because I don't have much to say. But I think you're an amazing writer and an amazing woman. You're a great wife who is honoring your husband even now that he's gone.Deannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00707870027944452944noreply@blogger.com