Sold!

I did it! I have sold my home.  About a week ago I accepted an offer from a buyer.  It seemed so simple and easy to do: say yes, sign the papers, and its done.  Even though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I'm excited to move forward, it isn't really that simple.

This weekend, I met the purchasers.  They came for the house inspection, and I was still getting my son ready to leave.  As they walked in the house I realized the new buyers are young.  Much younger than me.  Perhaps they were 25.  They are an engaged couple who are marrying in June.  My dream house, the one I didn't get into until I was 33, after living in 2 other homes, was to be their very first home.  I have to be honest and say I had one of those "holy" moments, "Why do the wicked prosper?" (Jeremiah 12:1).  Why am I, a faithful woman of God, seeming to go backward in life, and these young people getting THIS for their first house.

I admit it was a bad attitude to have.  Quickly I realized that they were also getting the ginourmous mortgage payment, and the financial weight it carries.  I thought, yes I have been young, entitled, and stupid before.  I quickly realized that I was glad to give it up, to walk away from this stressful financial situation and into financial freedom.  Selling this house is a life changer for me, in a good way!

Despite my moment of bitterness and pride, seeing someone younger than me seeming to achieve more than I have, I really liked this family.  The couple was there with their parents, and all of them were very genuine and nice to my son and I.  It was extremely hard to watch this new bride ooh and ahh over my dream home, as I had just 3 years prior.  I remember holding onto my husband, and saying, "I love it.  I want this house."  And he made it happen.  He didn't give me much affection, adoration, confirmation, or even attention in our last few years together, but he gave me this house.  It was his way of showing me how much he loved me.

I wonder what it felt like for this young couple, so full of excitement, to see a woman just 10 years older, crying as she walks away from the dreams she once held.  The dreams which ended so abruptly as her life fell apart.  To have once been that excited wife, picturing filling the bedrooms with children, and those children running through the house.  The joy and laughter echoing through the halls as the family grows over the years.  I had those dreams.  And they didn't happen for me.  Not here.  With many tears, I leave those dreams here in this house, for her to pick up and carry.  I leave the struggles we had here.  I leave the hurt and pain here.  I leave my shattered life here.  With those same tears I walk away into freedom.  I walk into a new hope, a new dream, and a new future which God has prepared for me!