What Really Matters

God is bringing me to a place of simplicity.  After living through the tragedy of burying a husband, you would think I would have already figured out what really matters in life.  I believe that experience did impact my life.  It changed me.  I realized I needed to spend my time better. I made major life decisions, such as leaving teaching to raise my son.  But along the way I began to hold onto "things", because they were all I had.  My marriage, my life had fallen apart.  My needs were neglected and left unmet, so I clung to those things that were there, our material possessions.  I didn't have a happy marriage, a peaceful life, but I had my house, and my beautiful belongings to fill it.

Over the last few months God has been stripping me.  He has been stripping me of pride, and making me humble.  He has been stripping me of my status, which I derived from the quality of my house, and making me find my status in him.  He has stripped away my debt, and made me financially stable.  He has stripped me.

This past week God has challenged me even further.  He has taken me out of my comfort zone and showed me what really matters.  Sometimes being displaced causes you to really question what you want, what you really need and where you want to be.  I have had many preconceived ideas about what I need to be happy.  Don't all young women dream about having a beautiful wedding, while giving no thought to the marriage?  We select our dream house on our commute to work, but have no concept of the effect of that mortgage on a family's finances.  In this season I've discovered what I think I need, and what God knows I need are two very different things.

What really matters?  What really matters for me? Its not the house, or the location.  Its the people that fill it.  I was empty and neglected.  I was betrayed and manipulated.  I was left broken, shattered, and hungry for love.  What really matters to me? Its not about provision, paying the bills, or fitting into my nice little life.  What really matters is someone who truly loves me and is able to show it.  What really matters is someone who will receive the love I have to give.  What really matters is someone who I can enjoy life with.  What really matters is a relationship where we see each other for the gift we are, and encourage each other.  

What really matters for my son?  My son had a great dad.  He would come home and play with him for hours.  He was firm when needed and loving at the same time.  What really matters to my son?  Its not the gifts someone brings.  Its not being in a certain community over others.  What really matters to my son is a man who can love him as his own.  A man who can be firm when he needs it, but also through him on his shoulders just for fun.  What really matters is a family he can be a part of, siblings he can play with.  What really matters is a man who can model how to be a man of God, and help me raise him to love Jesus above all else.

So often we are encouraged to decided what WE want, put a vision in our minds of the life WE desire.  We carefully list, plan and determine our perfect life!  And those things aren't necessarily bad.  But remember that God knows us better than we know ourselves.  He has a plan and a purpose.  He knows those small details that can take our life from average to awesome!  Be willing to put your vision aside, set down your preconceived ideas, and give room to God to rebuild your life.  He knows what really matters for you and your family and He has every intention of giving that amazing life to you!

A Positive Focus

As most of you know, the one year anniversary of my late husband's death is quick approaching.  He died the day before Thanksgiving last year, and this year it actually falls on Thanksgiving.  I was really concerned about how hard this month was going to be, especially when the 1st of November was so tough.  But I've been doing extremely well, considering it all.  I'm not saying I haven't had moments of emotion, or that I haven't grieved, I have.  But overall I've been emotionally stable, and full of more joy than I expected.  I believe its for one reason: I have had positive things to focus on!

I thank God for getting me into running, and stirring my heart to run a half marathon before the one year mark.  It has been probably the biggest focus of my life for the past few weeks.  If you didn't read the blog "The Indianapolis Monumental Half Marathon" you don't know what an amazing weekend it was, or how healing that 13.1 mile accomplishment was for me.  That race was so much more than just that weekend.  Its been a focus, something which is consuming a decent amount of time in training daily.  And even though its over, I still revel in the glory of that moment!  It has been a source of positive thoughts, positive actions, and positive emotions.

I also have my focus on working on a schedule during the day with my son, which I wrote about in "Time to Stop Reacting". This has set my mind on what we are supposed to be doing during the day: staying on a schedule, spending quality time with my son, and being proactive in completing tasks I need to complete.  I've been alert and aware of these things all through out our day.  And its been extremely rewarding.  I feel accomplished because of the amount of tasks I can check off, I'm appreciating my son more and the time we spend together. The structure has helped my son's behavior to improve dramatically, which has reduced my frustration and brought a greater satisfaction when interacting with him.


Finally another major focus of my time is the classes which I am taking for Rochester Ministry Training Institute.  I have 3 classes which require outside reading and homework.  And the content of these classes is so rich.  I'm flooding my head with new levels of understand of God, His Word, and the way ministry works.  

Since I have so many positive focuses in my life, the majority of my time is spent focused on positive: what I have, what God's showing me, and preparing for my future.  The beauty of a positive focus is that it keeps the negative thoughts away.  You can't be positive and negative at the same time.  By filling my life with things that are rewarding, valuable, exciting and positive, I am giving my emotions a heading. Much like a ship sets sail knowing what direction it needs to be going to reach its final destination, positive thoughts and activities set the course for my emotions.  


I wish I could say I was smart enough to think of this on my own and plan it on purpose.  But its God's leading that helped me to plan this month in a way that I would dictate its direction, instead of it dictating me.  I've had hard moments: moments of regret, sadness and grief.  but they have been just that: moments.  I know I'm barely half way through the month, and the anniversary date is still ahead, but I know that with the focus I've had, I will be able to handle what still awaits me.

God reminds us in Phillipians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."  And I would add, participate in these things.  For God has said that as we think, so we will become.  So if I think on positive events, instead of dwelling on and mulling over the negative one, which I can't change anyway, I will become positive.


I challenge you today, what negative event are you focusing on? Stop!  Plan some positive activities and thoughts into your life.  Your focus will shift and you will experience peace, even in the midst of challenges.

Time to Stop Reacting

Last week during one of my ministry training classes I had this understanding: I have been in a state of reacting to life.  Ever since my husband passed away last November, I have hardly planned a thing.  Every second of my life has been dedicated to one of two situations: what just happened that I need to deal with, or what has to be done by tomorrow.  Its been a reactionary,  last minute life for 11 months.  No wonder I'm stressed! No wonder I am overwhelmed all the time!

In class we were talking about time management and planning.  There was one comment which impacted me more than anything else: If you don't put the important things in first they won't fit!  Basically, if you don't plan, and set time apart for what's important, you'll spend your time doing everything else.

That's exactly what I needed to hear.  I have been so busy reacting, and thinking one task at a time, that I haven't planned in the most important thing: quality time with my son.  I spend my whole day rushing around, accomplishing next to nothing, and feeling overwhelmed because there is so much still to do.  Meanwhile, my son sits there playing on the floor wanting me to play with him.  I'm so busy, it just doesn't happen.  At least not the way I want it to.

I was very good at managing my time when I taught kindergarten.  I was extremely effect and efficient working from a set schedule.  I followed my schedule tightly, and always covered all the material I needed to.  I kept those 5 year olds on a solid routine, and what we were able to accomplish in half a day was amazing! Then when I had my prep time, I had a list of routines I followed: every monday I did the newsletter, every friday I entered test scores, etc.  I got a lot done in a little amount of time and nothing was ever missed.

So I made a decision.  We need a schedule at home!  I know it sounds odd.  For some reason just because I'm home all day, I think we can just ebb and flow, and to be honest its not working.  Instead of time controlling me, I need to start controlling my time. So, on Friday we started a scheduled day! I put the important things in: time with Gabriel and I to play together.  We had book time, table time, and play time.  Then I scheduled a variety of activities for Gabriel, and things which I need to be doing as well.  I followed the clock, and changed activities often.  It was amazing how many things I got done: cleaned the house, did a load of laundry AND put it away, reviewed my finances, blogged, and did my homework 4 days ahead of time!  I wasn't stressed, or overwhelmed and had the most productive day I've had in months! But the best part of the day was the amount of quality time I spent with my son.  After all, I'm all he's got now, and he needs me.  Yes its time... time to stop reacting; time to stop letting life happen, and start making life happen!