Perfect

per·fect

 [adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt] 

entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

I try to be perfect.  I expect myself to be perfect.  Regardless of how hard I try, and how much I expect perfection, I am not.  I'm NOT perfect.  I have flaws, I have shortcomings.  I am a work in progress. And its time to be okay with it.

I am a self proclaimed perfectionist.  I expect myself to perform to a certain level, and live to a high standard.  Mediocrity is not acceptable.  I must push myself, I must be the best that I can be.  I constantly compare myself to myself, my goals, and my expectations.  And I constantly fall short.  Its a vicious cycle.  I expect perfection of myself, I work towards perfection, I fall short of perfection, I get frustrated... because I am not perfect.

I am a dreamer.  I visualize what I want my life to be.  I set goals.  Goals are a motivator. They place my focus on a target, and help me to build actions to reach that target. If I didn't have goals, I wouldn't put the effort in to reach them, I wouldn't develop the framework to support the goals.  

Goals are a measuring stick for success. When I reach a goal I know that I am winning. I have attained the prize, I have conquered. Goals are something to work toward and be attained. I have goals for many areas of my life. I have financial goals. I have spiritual goals.  I have professional goals. I have physical goals. As I runner, I have kept myself motivated through goals. My running goals are: to run 1 race a month, to run 20 miles a week, and to run a half marathon in every state.  I'm actively pursuing my goals, and am diligent in my effort to meet them.  I know that these goals keep me from falling back in my running. Because I have these goals I push forward, I maintain my effort, I focus.  But I'm not perfect. I don't meet every goal.  And it frustrates me.  

I have flaws. My greatest flaw is expecting more of myself than I can always give, and feeling bad for not attaining perfection.  Instead of looking at the effort I'm making and the success I'm achieving, I look at the one area I missed. And it captures my attention. I get frustrated because I'm not running 4 days a week.  I'm only running 3, and so I feel like a failure. I get stressed because I'm not achieving perfection.  I lose sight of the fact that this time last year I didn't run. I lose sight of the fact that in the past year I have run over a dozen races, and completed 7 half marathons.  I pay no attention to my running pace dropping from a 14 minute mile to an 11 minute mile.  These aren't the areas which gain my focus- its that one day a week that I don't have time to run.  Its the shortcoming, lack of perfection where I glance.

Its time for me to get in line with God.  He knows I'm not perfect.  And even more than that He doesn't expect me to be.  If God doesn't expect me to be perfect, because He knows I can't be, why do I?  I set myself up for failure.  I set myself up for frustration. Goals are good.  And ultimately they are achieving their purpose. Even though I don't meet every goal, the effort I put into getting there, the level which I achieve, although falling short of meeting the goal, is greater than what I would have accomplished had I not tried at all.

I'm deciding today to change my definition of perfection.  

Perception

It simply amazes me. Women are deeply complex. In some ways that is a beautiful wonder and mystery. Yet those same complexities are the ones that irritate and confuse me. I have faced some of the hardest situations a wife could ever face: drug addictions, alcoholism, infidelity, and death. And now I am out, beyond the pain and walking down the path of my glorious future. Life is good and full of hope. Yet in the midst of it the other night I find myself discouraged about my body image. It's a warped perception to be discouraged over my body image after all I have been through. Not to mention the fact that I'm two sizes smaller, a half marathon runner, in the best shape of my life and not ashamed to wear skinny jeans or leggings.

Why are we women so easily moved by body image? Why is it that no matter how much weight we lose we still don't see our selves every day as the beautiful women we are? Why is it that in the midst of life turning the corner and our dreams becoming a reality. We can find ourselves in a pit of discouragement, when we should be celebrating?

We need to renew our perception. We need to stop viewing ourselves in light of what we want to be, focusing on the short comings instead of what we are and it's beauty! We need to gain gods perspective. While we were still sinners he saw us valuable enough to send his son to die for us. He sees the good in the midst of all the bad. He isn't moved by our weight, our love handles or muffin top. He sees us gorgeous. Why? Because we are. God is not a liar. God sees us beautiful and worthy because we are. God sees us beautiful because we are smart intelligent and amazing creatures. We balance work, motherhood, health, households and personal relationships. We sacrifice ourselves for our children and our husbands. We give life to a baby with in us, carry it for nine months,and nurture them into this world. We are amazing. It doesnt matter if our bathing suit doesn't make us look like a cover model, we are beautiful. When we feel like a rock star, whether or not we look like it, we are beautiful. Change perspective. Don't see your failures, see your successes. Embrace yourself and what makes you amazing!