Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I felt confident and strong. I realized that releasing these items from my life brought a new and unexpected level of healing. It was time, and I was ready. I had a past life that included my late husband Jonathan, but I have a future as well. My future is not for the woman I was, or the life I once had, but it is for the woman I am now and the woman God is creating me to be. With excitement I decided I was ready to let all my furniture go and buy new pieces for the new home. I wasn't trying to wipe out every sign or memory of Jonathan as I had a year ago. Rather I am really ready to move on. I am ready to start a new life; a clean slate.
As I walked into my new condo mid way through the move, my heart sank. I was so excited to start this new life, I never anticipated what was about to happen. I looked through my new condo, now filled with furniture, boxes and more boxes. The open space was filled and I realized the reality of 1000 square feet. It was smaller than it seemed before. I walked into the garage and I couldn't stop the steady tear stream flowing from my eyes. Boxes everywhere! Stacked all the way to the top, leaving a small path to walk through. The worst part was this was just the first trip. There were 2 more trips of belongings still to come!
I was utterly frustrated and disappointed. I had been so proud of myself for releasing my belongings. I had felt the healing with every item I had let go. I thought I had downsized. But I was disillusioned. I had way too many things. I had way too much stuff. And it was never gonna fit. In that exact moment I knew God was still working on me.
I decided I didn't want to miss my opportunity. God has something amazing He is doing in me right now, through this move. I don't know what it is, just as the ruler had no idea what awaited him had he followed Jesus. But I do know that I do not want to let my possessions hold me back. Given the choice to have my belongings or have the unlimited opportunity which Jesus provides, I choose Jesus every time! It may not be easy to downsize even further, but I am determining to experience the complete full life which God provides. That same abundant life He offered to the rich young ruler. My possessions are just things. Its only stuff. It doesn't complete me, or bring ultimate fulfillment in life. Jesus does. Jesus completes me. Jesus is my fulfillment.