Someone says something, you walk into a familiar place, or facing a new experience alone. Suddenly you are back, and it only took a moment. Your mind, heart, and soul fall back in that moment, and its real. The triggers are unexpected, and can't be tracked. Throughout my journey as a widow I found myself back in the moment, in the oddest situations: attending preschool parent night, walking into the restaurant where he took me the night he proposed, attending an industry training meeting. Last night it was hearing someone say "I want my wife to pass on first, so she doesn't face the pain of burying me." POOF! I was back in the moment.
Healing is a process, its not an event. I know that no matter how wonderful life is, how complete I feel, that moments like these will happen. I know that the longer I live, the less often they will be. Perhaps these moments are for my benefit. Maybe I need to remember, so that I can truly live. Remembering makes me realize how far I have come, how much I have grown and how amazingly God has turned my life around in 2 short years. Remembering helps me reach out to those who are on the path I once walked. Remembering is important. No matter how long I live, how strong and happy of a marriage I have, I want to remember what I have been through. I want to look back on the movie of my life, shed a few tears, then turn off the TV, wipe my eyes, and enjoy the reality of the life in which I now live.