Thursday, October 11, 2012
Just for a Season
Season bring change, some of the change we enjoy, while other parts we dread. We all have a favorite season, one we enjoy more than others, and its usually hard to let go of that season and welcome the new one.
About a year and a half ago I entered the doors of a new church for a Saturday evening Easter service. I was going to support some dear friends who were involved in the service. They had been a huge support to me in the previous 4 months since the passing of my first husband. I had hardly attended a church other than my own for the past 12 years, but this night I ventured out. Not long into the worship service I heard God say to my spirit, "come here and heal." That was it. I knew at that moment that the time had come to leave my home church of 12 years.
On that Saturday evening I entered a new season of life. For months I had been known at church only by my current pain, my late husbands struggles, and a single mom and widow. I felt alone. I felt that everyone was watching me. I felt that I had to keep up a facade so that God would get praise. But the moment I closed that door, and opened a new one, at the new church, I found freedom. No one knew me. No one knew my situation. No one had to know. All they knew was I was Jenn, and I loved God. During that season I found freedom to truly worship God with all my heart, in reckless abandon, caring not what others think, but what God thought. I found myself at the altar almost every Sunday. Sometimes it was to worship, other times to praise. Often it was to kneel before God's presence, almost in a lump at the altar, broken, hurting and helpless before God.
In that season I fell in love. I fell in love with worship. I fell in love with the new freedom I had found. I fell in love with God again. I would go to church solely to meet with God. It was just me and Him. And then I would leave. I grew in faith. I grew in knowledge. I broadened the scope of my understanding with God. It was wonderful.
Then, just as the cold continues to set in, and its time to change over your closet, a new season began in my life. I met a man, a wonderful man. This man captured my heart, and carried it 3 hours north. Now I live 3 hours away from the church that I had become so connected with. At first it was hard, and we would discuss often about how powerful my home church was, and I would cry about leaving. I had experienced such wonderful things while there I didn't want to leave it for a church that didn't experience what I had, or worship the way I had grown to worship. After several conversations we decided to find a church at which we as a couple fit better, and we did. Now that I have been up here for several months, and regularly attending a new church, I've had the grace to let go.
God told me "come here and heal." That's exactly what I did. Like a hospital stay, I came in broken. During my stay I received care. I was rejuvenated. And I was healed. Now that I am healed God has released me to move forward. He healed me, so that I would be ready for the life I am now building. He healed me so that I would be able to love, when the man He had chosen came into my life. He healed me so that I could walk away from everyone I knew, and everything I had, and trust Him to create a new life for me. He healed me.