Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Give Yourself Permission
Setting aside a schedule? Missing preschool? Canceling a business meeting? Nine months ago I would never have let myself out of these commitments. And if I had, I would have beat myself up for days about being irresponsible, wasting money, or being lazy. Yet over the course of the last year I have learned sometimes I need to give myself permission to back out, for something more important. After a long and crazy busy week on a cruise, both my son and I were overtired. And it showed in our emotions and interactions with each other. Add to that the cold we were both fighting, and a little extra sleep was probably the wisest choice. I wasn't being irresponsible or lazy. In fact I was doing the opposite. Setting aside a commitment and schedule for our best interest: our emotional, and our physical health, was the right choice.
I give myself permission to rest when I need it. I give myself permission to stay home from events when I need it. I give myself permission to take extra time for me when I need it. I give myself permission to recover and to heal! After all, I just walked out of tragedy, three years worth, and it takes a toll on a person. I'm in a healing process. Think about your physical body. When a muscle is injured, it hurts. Not just at the moment the injury occurs, but even after. The mobility and use of that muscle is limited. The impact of that limitation comes on suddenly, and with time it slowly improves. But it is gradual and it is a process. The same applies to tragedy and loss. When tragedy hit my life, my mobility was impacted dramatically. And as time goes on the pain subsides, and I begin to regain mobility. But it doesn't happen overnight.
Since then I've become better at giving myself permission. I can't say I'm perfect, or that I don't miss opportunities to step back, but I'm better. Today was one of those days where I did what was right for me, and my son. And I'm proud of myself for being bold enough to make the call. I proud that I've learned to give myself permission.