Wednesday, November 2, 2011
As I walked into work today, I was extremely aware of Jonathan. I entered HIS office, which looks 95% the same as the last time he walked out of it. I sat in HIS chair and I stared into the distance. I've been operating in this office, as "mine" for 11 months. But at this moment it didn't feel like mine at all. Pulling out of the daze I opened the top desk drawer, "I guess its time I make this mine." And I finally cleaned that one drawer out. I have been operating as him for so long, that I never stopped and cleaned out his desk, his briefcase, basically anything in the office. So I made this small step. Then I walked into another office to file somethings and one of our managers says to me, "How are you?" I tried to muster up strength, but he read through it. I fell apart and said "Its November." I didn't even need to explain. He know exactly what I meant. "We all feel it" was his response. And I know its true. I know I'm not the only one hurting as the dreaded day approaches.
I wish I had an option. Cause I really just wanna say "No Thanks!" Life as a widow.... no thanks! Raising a son on my own... no thanks! Cleaning out my husband's office... no thanks! Facing the year anniversary... no thanks! But I don't have that choice. Life hasn't given me that option.
Thank you for walking with me. Thank you for praying with me. Thank you for sharing my story.