Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Different Faces of Loss

Loss has so many angles to it.  Its a complex creature.  When I buried my husband last November, a significant part of my life died.  He was not only my husband, he was my provider.  He was my friend.  He was my children's father. He was a businessman, and a boss.  He had so many different roles and I believe each one must be grieved and healed.

Mourning my protector:
I've been writing a lot lately about being alone.  I've been taking many different adventures on my own- traveling to Indianapolis for the Monumental Half Marathon, heading into downtown Detroit for  The Call, or just going out to dinner by myself.  The desire to take these risks, and the victory that comes with each feat, is proof that I have healed over the loss of my protector.  I didn't even realize he was, until I felt that void.  I needed to grieve for my protector. And now that I'm independent, I recognize that void has been healed.

Mourning my children's father:
I vividly remember one Sunday morning at church when I couldn't stop crying.  All I could think about was my son and the fact that he didn't have a dad.  That truth had been reality for well over 6 months, but that morning the reality hit me.  Grief does that.  You'll be fine for months, then out of no where you have this thought and its as if its the first time you ever had it.  "He's really gone."  Thats what happened that morning.  And I wept at the altar.  I wept for my son. I carried his loss.  And then I prayed.  I prayed for God to heal my son's heart.  That God would be the Daddy he needed until his "new daddy" came. And I prayed for that new daddy. I asked God to give me wisdom, and patience to allow the right man into my son's life.

I have mourned for him.  I have mourned my husband. I have mourned my friend. I have mourned my marriage.  I have mourned my children's father. I have mourned my protector, and my provider.  Most of all I have mourned the life that was needlessly cut short. I find great sorrow in the wasted life.  And I trust God to help me overcome that.  I know I can lay that sorrow, hurt and grief at the foot of the cross.  For he promised to turn my mourning into dancing, and my sorrow into joy! (Psalm 30:11, Jeremiah 31:13)

1 comment:

  1. Jenn,
    I will most certainly follow your blog. We all need to remember that we each have our own cross to bear and we can be a strength even to those who we only know through Facebook. I will be praying for you and hopefully giving you strength to make it through the next week. God Bless.