Thursday, September 22, 2011

Trusting Enough to Let Go!

You may have guessed from the title of my blog that Ruth is a character in the Bible whom I greatly admire.  It wasn't until recently though that she really caught my attention, and I find myself going back to the book of Ruth over and over. Why? Because Ruth was a widow.  I'm in uncharted territory and I need to follow someone who has gone before me, and got their happily ever after.

Ruth was young, married just under 10 years, and hadn't yet had children when her husband died. I'm a lot like her.  I read her story, and I "get it", I understand, and I am inspired.  I want to be like Ruth.  She was a woman of noble character, although she found herself in unfortunate circumstances. She decided to follow God and in the end she not only marries a man of amazing character, but finds her self in the lineage of David, and Jesus!  Yeah, I want to be like Ruth.

Today's excursions to the land of Moab, where I find Ruth and Naomi, led me to a startling truth.  Ruth was determined.  Ruth was determined to follow her mother in law Naomi, and to follow Naomi's God.  Naomi wanted her daughters in law blessed, and had released both of them to return to their land, their God, and get married. But Ruth was determined.  She was not afraid of being single.  She was not hesitant to follow Naomi even though Naomi made it clear there was no plan for her to be remarried (redeemed according to the custom) if she stayed.

Like every woman, I have hopes and dreams for my life.  And none of them ever included being a single mom, being a widow, and being on my own.  But yet here I am.  Life has happened. I've come through some very hard situations, and now that I'm out I'm ready for my happy ending.  I desire to spend my life with someone. And I want to continue to grow a family.  I feel very much like God has brought me out of the bondage of Egypt, but I have not yet stepped into the promise land.  I'm in limbo.  I'm in the wilderness: thankful I'm not where I was, but desiring to move on to something fuller.

And faintly in the distance somewhere I hear this ticking... its my biological clock reminding me how quickly I need to move on to the next phase of my life.  While making dinner I'm doing the math in my head at what the earliest possible age is I could have my next kid.  While folding laundry my mind wanders to the age span that could potentially be between my son and his siblings.  Watching movies I wish to be snuggling the man God has chosen to be my husband, instead of a pillow.  And driving in the car, my son's voice asks, "Why isn't my new daddy coming?"

I'm desiring to go forward with life and so is my son, but yet nothing is happening.  And surprisingly I am extremely content.  How can that be? Yes I have dreams and desires, but God has brought me to this place of total contentment in my life, at this moment, right now.  God showed me three months ago that I needed to be content.  Until I am content on my own, I won't be picky enough to let the right man in. I definitely wasn't content then.  But now I honestly can say, I'm enjoying my life.  I still have the hope and dreams, and desire for my happily ever after, but I'm content right where I am today.

I believe what got me to this point was trusting God enough to let go of my dreams.  I've cried.  I've laid them at the altar.  I've even said to God, "I'm okay God if I don't have another child," and meant it.  I love God enough to know He knows me better than I know myself.  He sees where I am, and knows where I'm headed.  He's working everything out for my best interest.  So while it looks like nothing is happening, God IS! I haven't given up on my dreams, but I have let God have them. Because He holds my world.  Now its his responsibility to bring them to reality, not mine.

I am sure that Ruth longed to be held again; to feel the embrace of a man who loves her.  I am confident that as she went to bed each night, she suddenly felt the emptiness in her bed.  And I am certain when she saw a baby in a new mother's arms, she sighed, wondering if that would ever be her.  Ruth had dreams, visions and plans for her life.  They didn't include being widowed, childless and leaving Moab.  And they didn't include following a mother in law with no certainty of that those dreams would be fulfilled.  But Ruth was determined.  She wasn't afraid to be single.  She laid her desires at the altar, as if to say, "I don't care if I have to go it alone, I will serve you God." Even though she laid it all aside, God didn't require it of her.  She met her Boaz, she had a child, and her heirs were royalty and the Savior.

Its no wonder I want to be like Ruth.  "Where you go, I will go.  Where you stay, I will stay.  Your people will be my people.  You are my God."


  1. I know it's been over a year since you wrote this but it has encouraged me. I'm a somewhat young widow ,37 almost 38, with 6 kids, ages 17-4. I have read the book of Ruth several times since my husband died and see this story in a whole different way. Now that I started reading Ferree Hardy's book it has revealed some things I had missed. I've been reading your past posts and I thank you Jennifer for sharing your journey. I've only been widowed for almost 6 months and its been the toughest 6 months in my life but I continue to cling to the Lord. Ruth trusted completely in God and I know thats what I need to do. I pray for the Lords will in my life and my childrens. Oh and by the way a few weeks I decided to do something for myself. I started running and my goal is to run a 5k. I'm not doing it to loose weight or just to feel good. As a matter of fact, I'm 5.3 and 97 pounds. I've lost 15lbs. since my husbands been gone. I just don't have an appetite. Anyways I know this will be good for me.

  2. Marisol, Thanks so much for reading. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope that you will continue to find comfort, peace and hope through my writings. Widowhood is a very strange beast... ups and downs, twist and turns, and just when you think its leveled out, another bump comes. I have grown so much through that season in my life. I'm not the woman I was that day at the cemetery. You will get through this. You will be okay! And congrats on running... I started with a 5k and what a goal that was! You can do it. Please send me an email when you run it! I want to be a part of your journey as you have been a part of mine!