Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A Break

I've shared so much recently about the difficulties of being a single mom.  God didn't create us to do this job alone.  There was a reason he placed children within the confines of marriage, giving them a mother and a father.  And since my son lost his dad there has been a huge void in both of our lives.  I would never have imagined how hard it would be.  My situation is especially tough, being a widow, and having very little support to help me.  I am basically with my son 24/7/365.  I do get the occasional overnight at grandmas- approximately 18 hours.  Oh and my son attends preschool for 2 1/2 hours twice a week.  Other than that we are together.... ALL THE TIME!

Now I love my son, more than anything in this world! He is my sunshine, no doubt! But its exhausting being "on" all the time.  I'm constantly drained, constantly tired, and constantly wishing I could have a break.  Well this weekend I got one!  It was the first time I really got away and got to be "Jenn", in 14 months.  I went up north for 3 full days, and my son stayed behind at a good friend's house.  I knew he was in good hands, and was getting some quality "guy time" which he seriously needed.  I had a great weekend, saw some of the local sights, hung out with friends at a game night, and even got in a nice 6.5 mile run!

When I left him I had tears in my eyes.  And when I picked him up I swear he seemed much older.  But beyond that, something happened this weekend.  The long awaited break and relaxation I've been missing happened.  When I arrived home all I wanted to do was be with my boy.  I even let him stay up late because I missed him and genuinely wanted to stay around him.  And the next day I took the entire day off and spent the majority of my time with him. We played, we did crafts, and we read.  For the first time in a long time I had energy and desire to play with him.  I didn't have a list on the top of my head of all the things I needed to do.  I had a refreshing of patience.  I had a new strength.  And it showed up in my interactions with him.

I've been saying for a long time, that if I could just get away from time to time I would be a much better mom.  And for 14 months circumstances have prevented it.  Thankfully God has adjusted a few things in my life which gave the opportunity to have this break; time away from being mom, and just enjoy my life.   And I discovered I was right, and the result was not only a happier mom but a blessed boy.  Taking a significant amount of time away from the pressures and stresses of my life really made a difference.  It was worth the tears when I left him.  It was worth the worries and fears I faced to go away.  It was worth it to come home to a little boy who loves me, and wants my attention, only to discover that I was able to give to him more than I did before.

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