Thursday, January 12, 2012


I hear it over and over: Jenn, you are an inspiration.  On the surface its a really amazing statement to have said about you, that's for sure.  But underneath there is a longing in my heart.  I don't want to be anyone's inspiration.  I just want to be a normal girl, with a normal life.  I would much rather have a happy ending then have lived through the hell I have and be an inspiration.  However that isn't a choice I have had.

Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't want to tell my story and encourage others, because I do.  It's not that I don't want to be used by God, because I want that more than anything else.  It just seems the price I paid to inspire others was more costly than I would have liked.  I think any woman would chose a seemingly blessed and peaceful life and be off the radar, than to live through the horrible situations I have, and receive people's admiration.

The pain and the hurt, however, was my path.  And since I have walked it, I am glad my story inspires you.  Maybe you find strength to walk out your own widowhood.  Perhaps you are a woman who has experienced a different type of loss or pain, and find my life an inspiration to start blogging your story.  You could even be a woman whose life in general is neat and orderly without significant drama and pain, and my story inspires you about God's faithfulness even when things are hard.  I appreciate that opportunity to impact your life, and don't take it lightly.

Truly though, I am no one special. I am just a woman who loves Jesus.  A woman who found herself in the most painful challenges in which a wife could be.  I'm just a girl who learned how to trust God to carry her through the small trials, so when the big ones came I knew the source to get me through.  I'm an empty vessel who lets God move through her to touch the world.  So when people say I'm an inspiration, I'm grateful, but I'm humbled.  Its not me that you see.  It's my faith, my Jesus who promised me "all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose," Romans 8:28.

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